Children and the Tundra
Doris Haggis-on-Whey Benny Haggis-on-Whey
Mcsweeney's Literary Arts Fund
The fifth volume in the ludicrously misinformative HOW Series.
For many years the scientific and educational community has wondered and worried about the possibility that semi-sane scholar pretenders would find the means to put out a series of reference books aimed at children but filled with ludicrous misinformation. These books would be distributed through respectable channels and would inevitably find their way into the hands and households of well-meaning families, who would go to them for facts but instead find bizarre untruths. The books would look normal enough, but would read as if written by people who should at all costs be denied access to pens and pencils.
Sadly, with the publication of this, the fifth volume in a proposed series of 377 reference books, that day has come. Children and the Tundra is actually two books in one, as Dr. Doris Haggis-on-Whey, due to space constraints, is forced to explain both the concept of children—a species she doesn’t trust for a second—and the tundra, in one book. She is, as always, joined in her crusade of lies by her husband, Benny, who is mostly useless.
Lisa Brown is an illustrator who lives in San Francisco with a husband and a baby.