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Witty Toasts


Library of Alexandria
THE FAITHFUL, HUSBAND TOAST. Here’s to my wife Wish her long life! She’s mighty good looking, uarivaled at cooking; Know;? ail about medicine, as inventive sll Edison; Just plumb full of grit, has n® equal for wit; Sees the point when I joke, insists that smoke; Never chews the rag when I get, a jag; *3he knows how to sew, still calls me her. beau. Here’s to the one that loves me best! Who shares with me my humble lot. Who’s glad when I am glad And sorry when I am not; Who goes wherever I want t® go And never asks me why; Who does whatever I want him to, An*1 never told a lie! My dog. TO.THE STENOGRAPHER. Here’s to the queen who pounds the keys* Who makes you r'tcn forget your wife. With smiling face tries hard to please; She’s the one bright spot in the office life* TO THE LANDLORD. May you always have some money Left from the money you have spenw To greet your landlord with a sneer When lie com^ calling for the rent TO MY GIRL. Here’s to the maid with golden hair! With deep blue eyes and skin so fair; With dimples and pearly teeth so rare; Whose lips I'd kiss, but I don't dare; Who smiles on all but doesn't care For anyone else when I am there. TO YE BENEDICT. Here’s hoping you may always have go©3 health, A cosy home and a loving wife; And the necessary coin in your pocket To procure these luxuries of life. TO THE COLLEGE BOY. Here’s to the College Boy! With his funny clothes and hideous yells'; Who studies football tricks and footlight belles; Who always is foolish but never bad, Who spends all the money earned by his dad He’s the village pride and his mOther’s Joy, So here’s long life to the College Boy, TO THE OFFICE BOY. Here’s long life to the ©ffice boy! Who never smokes, chews or lies % Who’s never late and never kicks; Whose grandmether never die?! TO THE CLUBMAN May your feet always **o where you want them to;May your blinking ey^** never see double; Ma,r your keyhole stand still in its right-ful place, 0nd the good Lord keep you out ©# trouble When you're druak, # zero’s a health to those we love best-Our noble skives—God bless us; None better and many a damn sight worse, Onnk today, and drown all sorrow; Jsfou hluU, per)5os, not do it tomorrow.—Beaumont and Fletcher Leave politics to statesmen and thinkers, i3ut be jolly here with merry drinkers. Were't the last drop in the well, As I gasp'd upon the brink, Ere my fainting spirit fell, 'Tis to thee that 1 would drink.—Byron, To the old, long life and treasure; To the young, all health and pleasure. Let the world slide, let the world go; A fig for care, and a fig for woe; If I can't pay, why I can owe, And death makes equal the high and lo%v—HeywocxL Here’s to 3rou-in wine, Uood old wine! i will be your love And you will be miner 1 will be constant, You will be true, And Til leave my happy home and everything i®t you— rust ior a little while. To our Fat Friends: May their shadows nevef grow less from woman’s eyes iMs doctrine I derive: They are the books, the arts, the academies, That’s hows contain, and nourish all the world.—Shakespeare, To Murage: The happy estate which resembles a pair of shears; so joined that they cannot be separated; often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing anyone who comes between them. Yesterday, This Day’s Madness did prepare, Tomorrow’s Silence, Triumph or Despair. Drink! for you know not whence you came nor why; Prink! for you know not why you go nor where.—Omar Khayyam. Here’s to the girl I love, I wish that she were nigh,; If drinking beer would bring her here, I'd drink the damn place dry. A creature not too bright or good For human nature’s daily food.—Wordsworth. Here’s to Philosophy: It may eonquer past &f future pain, but toothache, while it lasts, laughs *t Philosophy. A dinner, coffee and cigars, 01 friends, a half a score, Each favorite vintage in its turn,— What man could wish for more? 6 Here’s to the wings of lover-May thsey never moult a featbe*, ^Hl my big boots and yorar llfe^e da©, *re under the hed together. To Charity: A mantle of heavenly W€affiiQf&, ased to cover the faults of our neighfoom To Woraaiv The better half of man. Here’s to a Pat Hand of Queens: MOther, Wife,, Sister and Sweetheart; the noblest of all CkxFs ereatioas—pure, beautiful woman. Here’s to those that lore us, If we only cared; Here’s to those that we'd love. If we only dared. Bere’s to the maiden of bashM fifteen? Here’s to the widow of fifty; Here’s to the flaunting, extravagant queen, And here’s to the housewife that’s thrifty. Let the toast pass— Drink to the lass, fll warrant she'll prove an excuse for the glass,—Sheridan. May the Lord love us, but not call us too soon. To Our America: The best land la the worH$ let him that don't like it, leave it. lb Woman: She needs no eulogy; gbe apeals for herself. f THE AMERICAN NAVY. With the bulldogs of war Standing guard on our coasts All fears Df attack quickly vaniah; Maimed with hearts that are true To the Red. White and Blue, They'll make all our icemen. v%lk Spanish.** SIXTEEN YEAES AFTER. Knock and the world knocks with you, Boast and you boast alone. The bad old earth is a foe to mirth, And has a hammer as large as your own. Buy and the gang will answer, Sponge and they stand and sneer; The revelers joined to a joyous sound And shout from refusing beer. Be rich and the men will seek you, Poor, and they turn and go— You're a migt uy good fellow when you are mel-low, And your pockets are lined with dough. Be flush and your friends are many, Go broke and you lose them all. You're a dandy old sport at $4.00 a quart. But not if you chance to fall. Praise and the cheers are many, Beef and the world goes by, Be smooth and slick and the gang will stick As close as a hungry fly. There is always a crowd to help you A copious draught to drain, When the gang is gone you must bear alone The harrowing stroke of pain. s