Children and the Tundra
Doris Haggis-on-Whey Benny Haggis-on-Whey
Mcsweeney's Literary Arts Fund
The fifth volume in the ludicrously misinformative HOW Series.
For many years the scientific and educational community has wondered and worried about the possibility that semi-sane scholar pretenders would find the means to put out a series of reference books aimed at children but filled with ludicrous misinformation. These books would be distributed through respectable channels and would inevitably find their way into the hands and households of well-meaning families, who would go to them for facts but instead find bizarre untruths. The books would look normal enough, but would read as if written by people who should at all costs be denied access to pens and pencils.
Sadly, with the publication of this, the fifth volume in a proposed series of 377 reference books, that day has come. Children and the Tundra is actually two books in one, as Dr. Doris Haggis-on-Whey, due to space constraints, is forced to explain both the concept of children—a species she doesn't trust for a second—and the tundra, in one book. She is, as always, joined in her crusade of lies by her husband, Benny, who is mostly useless.
Dr. Doris Haggis-On-Whey has 17 degrees from 18 institutions of higher learning. She is a world-renowned and much-feared expert on just about everything. With her husband Benny, she has travelled the world many times over, and has learned about all aspects of life, including outer space and food, first-hand. She has written or will soon write 147 books. Benny is the husband of Dr. Doris Haggis-On-Whey, and enjoys putting on his socks. The Haggis-On-Wheys live everywhere.